this beer tastes like vomit already
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
