Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
