Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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