Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
