Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
