I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize