More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
