I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
