so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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