Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
