I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
And then he peed in my hair
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