winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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