do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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