i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
