I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
be right there i have to get my cape
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
