Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
