I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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