I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it hurts more in the daytime
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
