nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize