Can i not drive my cunt home
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
