i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
