Who did Billy Mays play for?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
