he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
