i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no, he came in my armpit
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
