Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
