Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
