Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
