so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
