Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
