question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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