Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize