I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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