I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
