Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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