you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
