the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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