i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I touched a dick in church today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
