five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
