All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
