i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
