I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
