The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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