Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
