just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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