Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
