Can i not drive my cunt home
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
