I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
