The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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