Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
