I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
