"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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