I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
