it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
