Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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