How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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