i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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