At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
