best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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