Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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