Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
