moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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