your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
