i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize