We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize