living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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