the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
