mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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