I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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