you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
