How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
